OH! KAI SHE?

In Japan it is customary to give an okaishi, a 'return...reciprocal gift' of sorts if one is given a gift. At weddings the couple usually gives gifts worth around 30-50 dollars...in our case, we went toward the higher end because we had fewer guests and thought it appropriate to give larger 'party favors.' For those who did not attend the party but did give us some present, we gave them some Chinese tea or some souvenir from Tahiti. (we have yet to give some people it - I am waiting to give it to them in person!) We gave our couple friend some baby clothes as a present and were surprised to receive a special delivery 'okaishi' gift of ceramic tupperware.

Back in the States I remember simple party favors like candles, homemade cookies, and candies...those are also given to Japanese guests at the end of the party (on top of the heavy, bulky party favor bag...in rural parts of Japan the rule of thumb is: the bulkier and heavier, the better...though these days such bags are going out of style and young couples tend to favor catalogue gifts from which guests can choose exactly what they want!)

I tend to have a hard time knowing the value of such o-kaishi...for example, if someone gives you an item worth around 50 dollars, is it appropriate to give them something back around 2/3 the value? More or less? I guess one could play it safe and be generous. Hiro's mother is good at this...maybe I will ask her next time about it. ^_^

The problem is the cycle of o-kaishi...sometimes people have this never ending cycle of o-kaishi and more gifts and more. AGHhhhhh. If I give someone some tupperware and they return it, it is often returned well-cleaned and filled with some candy or little present. I too follow others' lead and try my best to 'abide' by such little Japanese customs...despite all their pettiness, are important in developing and keeping relations here. I feel a little regretful I did not know about the custom of o-kaishi much earlier, but now that I know, it is really helpful and should keep relations smooth.