stop taking responsibility for them all!

My husband always tells me not to worry so much about others but I cannot help it. It's my nature to worry. These days my female friends and some students are looking for some nice men. Ok, doing ok up to this point...the drawback is their age...I will get back to that later.

To be very frank, in Japan it is really a drag to be a woman: glass ceiling at work, limited employment opportunities, poor maternity leave benefits and so on, and the obsession with youth (even more obsessive than back home where youth is idolized, too). The odds are stacked up against them.

Often if I see a woman in a dead-end relationship here in Japan, I try to tell her to move on...in a much gentler manner, of course. There is no point for her to waste precious years on a man who she does not intend on marrying, in my opinion. If she wants to have casual flings and just enjoy life, that is fine too - to each his or her own...just do not come crying to me when it the party has ended and everyone around you is busy with 'family' lives. Then again, I have a friend who does not want to marry or have children...again, to each his or her own.

A male friend (Chinese-American) once told me that most women have a golden period of youth and beauty, the time when it is easiest to 'hook' a good catch...er, man. That golden period he said was between 20 to 35ish. This could not ring truer in Japan where pinup girls start from age 13 and are adored by stinky old men...eww. Ha ha. Excuse my immature way of speaking but that's me for you. Biologically speaking, I can clearly see what he meant...but honestly, some of the nicest women I have met are over 30 and astonishingly single.

So I have tried my best to find some nice lads for these (mostly over 30) single ladies. Here are some issues I have encountered (to my utter frustration)!!! The men are looking for younger ladies. The ladies have high standard. At singles parties, the young women are quickly snatched up by men, leaving the older women all depressed. The women in their later 30's want men around their age or younger wherease men their age usually want younger. Younger men dating older ladies are often not commitment-making types. One woman is divorced and has two children. Ahh, what to do??? Nothing?

Sometimes I held a singles event or party only to have the whole thing blow up in my face. Most end up keeping to themself, not trying at all to talk to others present. Either that or they fall into the junior high school pattern: men migrating to one side of the room with the women fleeing to take refuge at the other side. **sigh**

It takes much time for me to gather so many people and find a good plan for them, too. My husband asks why I spend so much time trying to help others. I hope they can find happiness with friends or a significant other because a single life can sometimes be lonely. Sometimes I feel so fed up and I just want to tell them all to go for it, do the ol' last resort thing, "omiai", which is a kind of Japanese arranged marriage.

Sorry for any perceived negativity. In contrast to all this doom and gloom, I have two friends who married this year: one was around 37 and the other around 35...so that is proof enough that there are indeed open-minded men who do not have lolicon complexes.