to invite or not to invite? WHO to invite?

Oh the agony!!!

Back home, weddings are open to almost everyone. Someone, say an ex, can even arrive uninvited to crash a wedding party! Most often people invite someone and that someone often comes with a partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife). This is definitely NOT the case in Japan.

10 months ago I started asking people about wedding etiquette. What kinds of people could we invite to our ceremony. I wanted to invite my Japanese teacher but then that would be strange...here's why: if I invited her, she would feel obligated to pay the typicaly congratulatory wedding gift of 30,000yen (roughly 300USD), even if I told her not to. Then what is the point of having given her all that money in the past for lessons she taught...so is what I thought.

In Japan, most people only invite family and very close friends (sometimes obligatory business associates, colleagues, or parent's biz partners are invited). Other friends can attend the NIJIKAI, an after party held at some pub, bar, or restaurant almost immediately after the reception. Another issue for me was whether or not to invite friends from overseas. I wanted to invite many from my hometown (Woodstock, Illinois) or university day friends (Toronto, Canada) but decided not to open that kettle of fish. If I invited so-and-so, another so-and-so would ask me why I did not invite him or her. What a dilemma, indeed!

The only exception being my best friend Jessie, with whom I had made a promise with in my childhood days to attend each other's weddings. Now due to moving and other personal circumstances she will not be able to make it, but I hope she will visit us after we have settled down in our married life!