toxic friends

Have you ever had a toxic friend? I have had such a friend and boy, did it take a long time to 'escape' from her. Due to professional reasons, I had to befriend this person...at first she hated me and was really nasty to me whenever we met. Later on, the rest of our colleagues started to ignore her (almost like ostracism) due to her nasty personality and tendency to cause unnecessary drama. Unlike others, I did not avoid or ignore her - I figured it was better to have her on my side rather than against me...which worked out well in the short run, that is...until..........

I found out what she was really like. A very scary person. I swear, her heart was as cold as...no, make that colder than an icicle from the Antarctic, and any kindness shown from her was for inevitably some kind of payback. Anytime she did something nice for me I wondered what she wanted. I could tolerate her stories of lovers and sordid love hotel stories, exaggerated talking, ex-boyfriend bashing...but then she started to trash people around me, whom I liked. And then, she started to admit things I did not want to know: Japanese yakuza (gang) connections, dating the father of some students at the time she had a live-in boyfriend, doing enjo kosai (compensated dating, a.k.a. prostitution), and so on.

Ok...draw the line right there. I made the drastic move to cut the toxic 'friend' out of my life. Slowly less contact, less, and then no more contact. Even to this day I worry she will want to get 'revenge' at me for terminating the friendship, so to speak. She was going to sue the school we worked for and get gangsters to harrass the manager and drive her crazy. Funny thing is, it was her own fault she got fired...that's what happens when you fail to show up for work (several times) and don't even have the courtesy to call to inform the company about it!

As they say, you can judge a lot about someone by their friends. That makes sense, considering how friends have the tendency to influence each other. Nowadays I try my best to keep those around me who are interesting, kind, good at heart, trustworthy and understanding. If a woman has cheated on her husband or is dating a married man, I do not want to befriend her...I can be a polite acquaintance or teacher but nothing more than that.

Which brings me to topic two...redefining friendship in Japan. Friendship in Japan is a bit different from the kind I am accustomed to at home. (more on that later, in another post!)