a MIL rant (good rant!)

I feel so fortunate to have one of the best mother-in-laws in the world. When my relationship with my husband was starting to get serious, I insisted on meeting his mom. To him, he felt my idea was premature and to my shock and disbelief, he had not once told his mom he was seeing someone.

This was a big cultural difference. In Japan many (if not most) children do not bring someone home unless it is something on the brink of engagement or a formal engagement announcement. So finally after some time and to my delight Hiro decided we could visit his mother and sister. At last...but with much trepidation. I have seen various cases of mother-in-laws from hell in the past and was not about to become another victim of one. I made a silent vow to myself that if his mother should dislike me or go against our international relationship, I would stop it right there and then.

This is Japan and although I am American, there are many traditions and customs I feel I should follow - marrying a person of a foreign country means not just that. In fact you are marrying that country, the partner's family, the language, the people, the food, the customs, and more. If one wants it to be successful, they better damn...oops, darn like it all. Though I do not adopt all customs, I try my best to follow what I can. It is expected that we will take care of his mother in the future, which is all right with me because I know the same goes for many Chinese families. (another reason why I would have broken it off if she disliked me)

Anyway his mother is really kind to me - she teaches me about Japanese cuisine, manners and/or etiquette, and treats me as another daughter. I know this is not the case for some of my foreign friends with Japanese MILs who do not have the time or energy for them. Mine is trying hard to learn English while I too am trying to learn Japanese to communicate better with her. Being in an international relationship often means the odds are against us, but if we put energy into it, it can work and be twice the fun. We often have funny stories about language gaffes, or cultural differences. It is so interesting and having such a good MIL gives me motivation to further my Japanese proficiency.

And the best thing about my MIL: she lets us be. What I mean is, she gives advice when we need or ask for it but trusts us to make wise decisions on our own. I really respect that about her. Some MILs intrude, get in the way, give pushy insistent advice, call incessantly, and so on...but mine does not. I know it takes a lot of energy for her to keep mum on certain things, but she does it for the best. What a lovely woman she is - I admire her courage and intellect and hope to learn much much more from her in days to come!